Sadness, whatv did I do?

Something transpired that I cannot understand...one minute all was fine, talking laughing with friend, then in a moment, another drunk friend drools, slobbers and the new friend turns a cold shoulder to me...Is it disgust? Is it attraction un-done and confused by an idiot's actions? Is it a don't step on my guy time? Whatv the fuck shifted everything? From touch my shoulder and smile to pretnd In don't exist in an afternoon...all tied to D I think. hmmm

Something shifted, because of a fool's actions...should I have smacked him? Would that have made you feel better? It would not have made me feel better for poor drunk D who is a friend, tho that day a drunk and lonely one... I did not drool on him, did not ask to be drooled on...fuck it all... I didn't do a damned thing to cause our new relationship to shift awkwardly and I am MAD DAMN IT ...it all reminds me of my ex's blaming me, accusing me everytime some random guy, or even a good friend , would just talk to me ..according to E. I was always trying to sleep with or flirt with any man who looked at me ..he never could see that I was just being me...friendly me, that was my intent,nothing creepy or inappropriate... just being friends with...


So,n J. M. What did I do to upset you in that instant? I did nothing...I did not slap D. I did not yell. In knew he was drunk and idiotic...

Maybe this is the universe giving me a wake-up call; saying don't repeat old mistakes...don't take on the blame for something you did not do, like with the ex.

I was so hopeful that we could relate...now, I will just make you beauty in your yard and leave. I will fulfill a promise and give up trying to be friends or anything else.

In the end I will just give a toast to beauty. May it heal you. May it heal and teach me.
Slante